Saying Goodbye

It’s my last night in Los Angeles, and I’ve said my goodbyes to family and friends. 

My sister took the last of her things today, and snapped one last photo of her room. I wish we had taken a picture together here, but I didn’t think of it until after she had left. I had a breakdown earlier this week, when I realized that we’ve lived together for most of our lives, with the exception of the years when we were in college. Now that she’s moving in with her partner, we’re probably never going to live together again. We’re growing up, and moving on to new phases of our lives, which is both scary and exciting.

​Daniel (my tenant) moved some stuff in today, and it was odd to feel out of place in my own home. The room I’ve lived in for the past 10 years is empty and no longer mine. I will miss this home, and my dog, but it is time for new adventures.

I’ll be by myself for most of the day tomorrow, just processing this journey and reflecting on my life. Right now, I realize that I’m surrounded by love - my family and friends all did things to show me that they love me and that they’ll miss me. From organizing dinners, to spa days, to fixing things around the house - I have a strong little network of support. It hurts to leave my home and my circle... but I guess it’s time to widen the circle.

I know I’ll face challenges. I know I’ll be lonely. But I need to know if there’s a life for me in Europe.

When I fell in love with Alain, I focused on the fun and romantic parts of being in a relationship with a European. Now, it hurts. I have pieces of my heart connected to two different parts of the world. He’s there, and everything else I love is here.

​At the same time, I know how I feel when he is not around. I hate saying goodbye, and I hate having him so far away. I need to make a life with him... my husband.